Doc's first visit

'Twas I think jus abt a week b4 the big day! I don exactly remember now... We were both thrown into a situation we had absolutely no expertise in handling..n the fact that none of our family or friends had had children of late, din help too much!
Since manipal was the only "good" hospital in my dictionary then, we obviously had gone there.. We had no clue abt the doc to visit...n I had never been the sort who had stuck on dedicatedly to "my own gynaec"! So even worse...
We just went to the obstetrics OPD..There were abt 3 docs available then... We could not even ask anyone off course.. So we jus zeroed in on one name..wid no obvious logic... The name..Dr. Gayatri Karthik...
The waiting period only increased the tension.. People all around us were expecting moms, either wid the dads to be or the grandmoms to be.. They all seemed so poised..so in the know of everything!! Jus how?! All around us were pamphlets on the benefits of breastfeeding, stem cell banking (I hadn't even heard of the concept until then), pics of expecting moms lovingly stroking their larger than life bellies! (It was all anything but reassuring!) Jus yesterday, we were dis carefree couple, planning our next holiday destination, our next visit to zero g, fighting abt our X's , arguing abt the most silly things.. n all of a sudden, here we were, jus by ourselves, in a situation that was actually "larger than life", with no one to look to...feeling like utter novices making a foolof ourselves!!
"Ms. Rupa"...my name was called.. We were ushered in to the doc's room... Dr. Gayatri Karthik had dis bright n vibrant persona abt her.. Dressed in a bright colourful silk sari(pattu pudavai) as we cal it, she seemed like she cud never ever be low abt anything!
"Yes, Rupa..wat can I do for u?!" she started.. I started rattling off abt how I feel like sleeping the whole day, feel giddy for no reason, hate even the smell of coffee etc. etc. We were off course quite uncomfortable at first, but we had no choice but to confide in her.. We explained the whole situation, waiting to be judged..but she was jus so awesomely supportive on the contrary!! She said.. O my dear,I don even need to test u.. U are 200% pregnant! n don worry, u'll tide thru...Ur gonna be together na..jus ensure however dat u have taken at least one person in the family into confidence..
When we walked out dat day, we felt so much more relieved, so much more at ease with the whole stituation...n somehow strangely happy as well!! All thanks to the magic called Dr.Gayatri Karthik..We wil always be indebted to her for dat first consultation!

At night when I wake up

When I'm wakin up in the night to feed
my little boy who doesnt seem to heed
the fact that my nipple aint a toy to bite
cutting with his jaws showin all his might

but that one moment when he flashes his smile
that makes the journey so worthwhile
when I see shooku he's sound asleep
yeah a sleep without a stir, that's his style...

The time is now...

This afternoon, as I was lying next to him, watching him sleep peacefully, I was suddenly filled with this intense desire to somehow capture each and everyone of these moments, so I could relive each one of them later.

I vividly remember the moment when I had just delivered him...Deepak was holding my hand, standing beside me, and he was immediately put onto my chest...just for a minute or so...I was almost passing out with the pain, but I still had a faint smile on my face. They then took him away to clean him up. We had to wait for almost 2 hours after that, so that he be given to me for his first feed... He was so fragile then, so tiny...literally so helpless... We were taught how to tickle his ear, so he would feed well enough and not fall asleep immediately.... As I fed him, Deepak and I just sat together and marvelled at that wonderful creation for whom we were responsible!! We were so much in awe, we actually noted down the time he first smiled, he first yawned, shot a video of the first time he had hiccups, took a picture of his first potty...n the list goes on...

And then, there was the day he was given his first bath at home... His skin was still peeling off, his back was so delicate, we could actually see the impressions of his entire spinal column... I could never bear to see him wail like that... Mom used to sometimes even send me away from there...

I remember that night when he cried for hours together for some reason we could never figure out... His "paatis" were busy trying out natural remedies, Deepak was busy trying to reach someone at the hospital, so they could somehow help us out with the situation... He cried so much, I couldn't help but cry myself...though I put on my bravest front...

We used to intently watch him as he slept to count the number of times he would startle in his sleep... We did all sorts of research, asked the doctor and learnt it was something called Moro response... I used to notice every small action of his and make a biiig list to take to the doctor each time... Deepak and Mom were always reassuring me that all was fine... Many a time in fact Deepak used to make fun of me for being a paranoid mom... and then off course, each of the silly questions I bombarded the doctor with, always had some valid explanation!! :) :)

He's 3 months old now...and as I watch him, I can actually see so much has changed... He's become nice and chubby... He's becoming naughtier by the day... He has this new habbit of putting out his tongue very often...of making a weird noise by pursing his lips...He laughs a lot more now...He has to be rocked only in one particular manner to be put asleep...He is more fascinated by colourful posters and rattles and his own clothes now... In fact I sometimes wonder whether his friend "Mr. Fan" must miss him now!!

Though its a delight to watch him change and grow each day, somewhere deep down I wish I could relive those moments when he was so tiny...when we were devising new ways of putting him to sleep...of the feeling we had the first time we carried him...of feeling proud of the way Deepak handled him and made him smile... n I know now that a few months down the line, I will miss each of these new mannerisms he has caught on now...which would have all changed by then...to evolve into something sweeter...

None of them can ever come back...n I realize even more certainly now...

There's never gonna be a better day than today... Never gonna be a better time than now... So lemme enjoy each and every bit of this wonderful experience called motherhood!!

Din even know then...

I don wanna forget a single moment of my pregnancy... So lemme start by putting down my own experiences of this wonderful journey to womanhood....
It all started with faint bouts of dizziness... A feeling like I was drunk all the time... I used to often feel like I was sinking...down...down...down, feel giddy, like throwing up... But since I was used to blackouts and giddiness, I din quite take these to mean anything in the beginning...
I am a coffee freak... I am known in all my social circles to be one who would never refuse a cuppa anytime of the day...n lo behold!! All of a sudden, that was the one thing I detested the most!! When mom used to bring me my morning cup of coffee, I wanted to do anything but drink that!!
Not jus dat... I am also a typical junk food freak...I love to indulge in my molaga bajjis n chats et all...But at that time, I jus din wanna have anything spicy...nothing fried, nothing oily...It was almost as if my system had suddenly decided it wanted only absolutely healthy food intake...no messing around!! :)
I have always been an "up n about" bubbly sorta girl...so I was really not used to feeling as tired as I felt at that time... It was like I always had a constant urge to rest myself, to lie down for a bit!! God knows how many times, I must've heard people say... "Wat is with her?? Is she alright?! Never seen her feeling so dull!!"
N all dis was even before we discovered I was pregnant!! The three month ordeal had not even begun!! :)

Poem for Shaurya Baby

An eye on the left
and an eye on the right
don't play around with me
I have you in my sight
A ear on the left
and a ear on the right
don't play around with me
I have you in my sight
I want to laugh
And I want to smile
And I want to swim
across the river Nile
I want to play
around in the water
And on the turtle's back
I want to trotter
I wanna say something
Mommy can you hear
Daddy's SCARING me
please hold me near !!

N thats how it started...

Nope...it was not the ideal planned pregnancy, but I dont think I've enjoyed any part of my life as much I enjoyed those nine months....

Truthfully, though I had been a baby freak since the age of 17, I was not very sure I was really ready for it!! So on the evening that the Doctor at St. Phelomina's hospital tol me..."OK, Rupa...You're pregnant"...I wasn't exactly sure how to react...I wasn't sure how he was going to react...I wasn't sure whether this was the right thing, considering our future plans...I wasn't sure of...actually anything!! and so I came out holding my hands on my mouth...why??probably because I din exaclty know what to say!! though somehow, my mouth managed to communicate... I'm pregnant... As expected, he initially did not even believe it was true...

Its amazing, the influence movies n the tele have on our lives and expectations... n me being an ordinary mortal who watches soaps that run to eternity n the thousand odd romantic flicks, had always thought...OK, I'm gonna be elated when the doctor gives me "the news"...and when I tell him, he's gonna carry me n jump with joy!!! O no, reality is far from this... What happened instead is that we were both secretly overjoyed, shocked, excited, uncertain...all at the same time...and what we decided to do instead, was to discuss the "issue"over a cup of coffee...

No feeling shy with joy, no giving him "the news"symbolically by giving him a mini cup of coffee or making him touch my tummy... no jumping with joy...no telling the whole world immediately, nope..not at all...a restrained sort of happiness, we were both scared to express, an uncertainty about the future, a secret desire that this be the start of a journey of a lifetime...n a detailed discussion about the future, about finances, about the pros n cons, where we were both assuring and reassuring each other that we understood, yes we understtod...Eh...What exactly did we understand...neither of us can say now!!!

Yes, dat was the beginning of this wonderful journey called pregnancy...n trust me...dat is how real people react!!!

Our Baby

He's called Shaurya, meaning glory :)

Check out his pics on http://picasaweb.google.co.in/rupsndeepak/OurBundleOfJoy