At night when I wake up

When I'm wakin up in the night to feed
my little boy who doesnt seem to heed
the fact that my nipple aint a toy to bite
cutting with his jaws showin all his might

but that one moment when he flashes his smile
that makes the journey so worthwhile
when I see shooku he's sound asleep
yeah a sleep without a stir, that's his style...

The time is now...

This afternoon, as I was lying next to him, watching him sleep peacefully, I was suddenly filled with this intense desire to somehow capture each and everyone of these moments, so I could relive each one of them later.

I vividly remember the moment when I had just delivered him...Deepak was holding my hand, standing beside me, and he was immediately put onto my chest...just for a minute or so...I was almost passing out with the pain, but I still had a faint smile on my face. They then took him away to clean him up. We had to wait for almost 2 hours after that, so that he be given to me for his first feed... He was so fragile then, so tiny...literally so helpless... We were taught how to tickle his ear, so he would feed well enough and not fall asleep immediately.... As I fed him, Deepak and I just sat together and marvelled at that wonderful creation for whom we were responsible!! We were so much in awe, we actually noted down the time he first smiled, he first yawned, shot a video of the first time he had hiccups, took a picture of his first potty...n the list goes on...

And then, there was the day he was given his first bath at home... His skin was still peeling off, his back was so delicate, we could actually see the impressions of his entire spinal column... I could never bear to see him wail like that... Mom used to sometimes even send me away from there...

I remember that night when he cried for hours together for some reason we could never figure out... His "paatis" were busy trying out natural remedies, Deepak was busy trying to reach someone at the hospital, so they could somehow help us out with the situation... He cried so much, I couldn't help but cry myself...though I put on my bravest front...

We used to intently watch him as he slept to count the number of times he would startle in his sleep... We did all sorts of research, asked the doctor and learnt it was something called Moro response... I used to notice every small action of his and make a biiig list to take to the doctor each time... Deepak and Mom were always reassuring me that all was fine... Many a time in fact Deepak used to make fun of me for being a paranoid mom... and then off course, each of the silly questions I bombarded the doctor with, always had some valid explanation!! :) :)

He's 3 months old now...and as I watch him, I can actually see so much has changed... He's become nice and chubby... He's becoming naughtier by the day... He has this new habbit of putting out his tongue very often...of making a weird noise by pursing his lips...He laughs a lot more now...He has to be rocked only in one particular manner to be put asleep...He is more fascinated by colourful posters and rattles and his own clothes now... In fact I sometimes wonder whether his friend "Mr. Fan" must miss him now!!

Though its a delight to watch him change and grow each day, somewhere deep down I wish I could relive those moments when he was so tiny...when we were devising new ways of putting him to sleep...of the feeling we had the first time we carried him...of feeling proud of the way Deepak handled him and made him smile... n I know now that a few months down the line, I will miss each of these new mannerisms he has caught on now...which would have all changed by then...to evolve into something sweeter...

None of them can ever come back...n I realize even more certainly now...

There's never gonna be a better day than today... Never gonna be a better time than now... So lemme enjoy each and every bit of this wonderful experience called motherhood!!